Sunday, 22 July 2007

And another one on the bandwagon...

Title: ‘Til Death Do Us Part
Author: captainraz
Rating & Warnings: PG (Deathly Hallows spoilers)
Format & Word Count: One-shot, 980 words
Summary: Their wedding vows had only said 'til death do us part, but Remus had promised her forever
Author's Notes: Sorry to jump on the bandwagon but I had to do this for my own peace of mind. Hopefully the fanfiction community can band together to give us the closure and feeling of purpose that JK so spectacularly failed to give us. This one actually fits with canon, much as I hate it.

Remus skidded to an abrupt halt halfway down the corridor, cutting short his race towards where the main battle was going on; there were Death Eaters barring their path. Tonks ran into him and nearly toppled both of them to the floor. Somehow Remus managed to keep both of them on their feet. He whipped around to look the way they had just come; more advancing Death Eaters. Sudden realisation gripped Remus’ stomach like a vice; this was it.

"Trapped!" yelled Tonks over the sound of explosions reverberating around the castle.

"Scared?" asked Remus.

"No," replied Tonks evenly, and Remus knew she meant it.

He took her hand in his and held onto it tightly. Tonks gave him a nod and then they were stood back to back, hands held tightly between them, wands raised in defiance against the oncoming Death Eaters.

Remus thought of baby Teddy at home with Andromeda and his heart constricted. There had always been the possibility that either he or Tonks wouldn’t be coming home, but now that looked like a grim reality. A large part of Remus wished Tonks had stayed at her mum’s; she was too young to die. But he swallowed the thought; if he had learned anything at all it was that he shouldn’t underestimate Moody’s protégée Auror. And he knew in his heart of hearts that neither of them was capable of staying home and waiting for news of their friends deaths; he just wished that the news would be of someone else’s death instead of theirs.

Remus hated that their son would probably never know either of his parents, but he couldn't bring himself to regret his decision to leave the little boy behind. This was a war that he and Dora had been fighting their whole lives; Remus couldn't bring himself to leave the legacy of completing this task to another generation. This wasn't Teddy's fight, and if he and Dora had to die to make sure that it was so, then so be it.

"I’m so sorry Dora, for everything I did that hurt you," yelled Remus as black cloaks and silver masks drew ever nearer.

"I love you," came Tonks’ reply. Even now she forgave him of all his sins.

"I love you too," said Remus, squeezing Tonks hand gently. He took a deep breath. "Ready?"

Tonks squeezed his hand back as acquiescence and then the couple took a deep breath and as one they bellowed "Expecto Patronum!"

From one wand erupted an enormous silver werewolf, form the other a silver chameleon. Both Patronuses charged down the corridor, in opposite directions, chasing and knocking down Death Eaters. The next moment the air was filled with flying curses, red and green flashes illuminating the grim looks on Remus and Tonks’ faces. Tapestries burned, suits of armour came crashing down and rubble went flying, and still the werewolf and the Metamorphmagus stood in the middle of that corridor, hands firmly pressed together, exchanging curses with a dwindling number of Death Eaters.

Suddenly, green flooded Remus’ vision and then he was staring into the familiar grinning face of Sirius Black. He looked younger, happier, as though he had never been touched by the horrors of Azkaban.

"Not that I’m not glad to see you, mate, but couldn’t at least one of us have had a happily ever after?" he said with a raised eyebrow.

Remus chuckled as Sirius stepped aside to reveal two faces that Remus had ached to see for nearly seventeen years. James Potter, his hair as unruly as always, was wearing an easy grin as he slung his arm loosely around the shoulders of a beautiful red haired woman. Remus looked from James to Lily and then down at the golden band on his finger. He felt his inner Marauder rear it head; he couldn’t resist.

"I don’t know if any one told you two, but the vows only said ‘til death do us part."

"Think again, Remus John Lupin," came an irritated but familiar voice that caused Remus’ heart to simultaneously leap with joy and break with sadness. He turned around to look at his wife, a shy smile on his face and contrition in his eyes.

"I promised I would love you forever, didn’t I?" he asked quietly.

"You did, and give or take a few hiccups you’ve done a pretty good job so far," said Tonks with a smile. Suddenly the smile cracked and the pink-haired Auror bent double with the force of her wracking sob. "Teddy..." her voice was a plaintive moan.

Remus gathered her up in his arms and did his best to comfort her, though his heart was breaking over the very same thing; they would not know their son, and Teddy would grow up an orphan. Remus looked back at his childhood friends to see all three wearing bittersweet smiles on their faces. Silently, Lily detached herself from her husband and placed her hand gently on Tonks’ arm. Tonks looked up from where her face was buried in Remus’ chest.

"As a mother, it’s not easy to leave your child behind," said Lily softly, "But it does get easier over the years. You’ve left him in very good hands."

"Harry coped pretty well while growing up," said Remus reassuringly, sharing a pained look with James. Tonks choked back a final sob and nodded, the pain still etched clearly on her face.

"Harry’s calling," said James suddenly, and Remus felt a strange pull back towards the world he had just left.

"Harry needs me right now, but I’ll be back soon," said Remus quietly. "I’ll be back as soon as it’s all over."

Tonks managed a wry smile. "The vows only said ‘til death do us part."

Remus gave her a small smile as he began the descent back towards the realm of the living.

"Yeah, but I promised you forever."

More Deathly Hallows Ranting

Just reread my entry from three this morning and hell, I was writing out of shock, anger and grief. I hope that this afternoon I can be a little more coherent and reasoned. And do the book justice.

Which I don’t really feel like doing because for a book that was 17 years in the making I thought it was very weak. It felt like it had been written to get things over with as quickly as possible, with only the thought of the money and the film franchise. Seriously, the book felt like it was written solely to make a good film.

I am disappointed to say the least.

And I really can’t get my head around the whole Remus Tonks thing.

Any of it.

I don’t think that them getting married so quickly is OOC for either of them. Tonks obviously wanted some form of commitment from him, and if he was really serious about making a go of it then marriage is the perfect way to it prove once and for all. But that still does not mean that he is not still battling doubts; he is just more determined to overcome them if he can.

Tonks is quite obviously proud that she is married to Remus; she has fought so hard for him that she understandably wants to show him off now she has him.

And nobody said that they had a magically-binding wizarding wedding did they? Could just have been a small muggle ceremony.

The bit that still gets me is the Grimmauld place scene. Remus just felt so OOC to me. It has been postulated that his behaviour shows that he didn’t really love Tonks, but given the recurring theme of the importance of love in these books, I just don’t buy that. Remus is a very conflicted character, even if we don’t see it that much. He is obviously shit scared of becoming a father, for more than one reason. He is afraid of what he has done to Tonks and what he has condemned his child to. He is torn between his loyalty to his wife and unborn child, and the loyalty to the Marauders, whom he perceives would want him to stick with Harry. We forget that Lupin lost everybody who had ever accepted and loved him for who and what he was in one fell swoop; he lost the Marauders and Lily to murder and betrayal at a very young age, and no one seems to consider what that could have done to him. This explains his anger; he has reached breaking point, and when you consider all he has been through over the years, I think he did very well not to be deranged all the time.

I believe that when he offered to go with Harry he had not actually ‘left’ Tonks. I feel that given her reaction the year before (and considering she was pregnant) he would simply have slipped off with Harry and left a note saying he had a mission. I wholeheartedly believe that he went crawling back to Tonks after Harry knocked some sense into him and he had had a good think.

The one thing that does annoy me is that even though he ‘regretted very much’ marrying Tonks it doesn’t seem to have kept him out of her bed does it?

Their relationship obviously goes from strength to strength though the rest of the book; Ron says they’re living together again and Remus is back to himself when he is on Potterwatch. Everything is alright when Teddy is born, even if Remus is a little OOC in his method of announcing he is a father. Everything has to be okay if he's now a proud and ecstactic father.

How wrong.

Despite the fact I’m in denial and do not see at all why Remus and Tonks had to die, I do like the fact they appeared to die together. I like to think that they went out in a blaze of glory, with no doubts in either one’s minds about their feelings for each other, no doubts about whether what they were doing was right. I still hate that they had to die though.

And as for why Tonks wasn’t with Remus when the Marauders reappeared, Harry summoned them. He summoned his parents and their closest friends. He didn’t summon Tonks, which is why she wasn’t their.

And after all that and another huge rant, I’m still not convinced there is a single shred of sense in any of it.

Deathly Hallows

Oh the emotional Hell i have been through today, and all because of a sodding book! the object in question arrived at half past seven this morning, but since i was at work today i had to wait until half seven this evening to read it. 6 hours later i have finished.

some of my theories were crack, some of them spot on. i was let down, and dissapointed and yet completely elated at various points in this story.

but all in all i am absolutely gutted and completely regret wanting to throttle certain characters early on in the book.

yes, this entire rant is going to be about Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks.

the book started off as very promising from their point of veiw and had me punching the air in triumph when i learned that Remus and Tonks had gotten married.

there were even more grins from me when Tonks starts proudly showing off her ring to all and sundry. yes Remus is quite quiet at this point, beut hes not really the 'Oooh look at me' type really.

all so far so good, from a shippers point of view.

their abrupt exit form Harry's birthday party had me thinking, but i figured that since he is a werewolf he really didnt want to be around when the Minister for Magic turned up. especially given the anti-werewolf legislation and Fenrir Greyback's attack on Bill Weasley. his unhappiness at this point is more worrying, and was both brushed off and placced deep seated fears/doubts in my mind.

the scene at Grimmauld really flummoxed me. for a start Remus' 'I am Remus John Lupin...' malarky really bothered me, and would continue to bother me. it just sounds way too pompous for Remus.

as for the rest of the scene, i felt that Remus was really out of character (or maybe i have just been influenced by the character of Remus that comes through in fanfiction.) yeah he's being all professory by bringing the kids up to date, berating Hermione and Ron for their lax security etc. but everything after that seems ludicrous.

the announcement that Tonks was pregnant should have been a cause for mass celebration, the first of their multi-coloured werepups was on the way! but its Lupin's coldness that got to me. and his conviction that James would want him to leave Tonks and the baby to go with Harry smacks of trying to convince himself and Harry that he knows what James would ahve wanted better than Harry would. discussing his regret for marrying Tonks is really absurdly out of character, since the kids were kept completely in he dark about anything between Remus and Tonks in previous books. and then him kicking chairs, pulling his hair and pulling his wand on Harry. it all flies in the face of the suberb self control we have come to expect from Lupin.

at this point i felt like strangling one Remus J Lupin.

not surprisingly, Tonks has gone into hiding at her parents. despite her being a fiesty Auror, this seems completely in character. if you were an Auror, a member of the Order of the Phoenix married to a werewolf and expecting his child as well as being the estranged half blood relative of half of Voldemort's most loyal Death Eaters, wouldn't you go into hiding too?

hearing that Remus and Tonks are back together, however noncommitally from Ron gives hope that there will be happily ever after.

i have to admit that the Potterwatch scene was Lupin's finest hour, at least in this book. we seem to see the Remus we know and love here; he has forgiven Harry, and showing complete faith in him once more. he's back with Tonks, he's back on Harry's side.

but we are back to Wacko!Remus with the scene at Shell cottage. and again with the pompous greeting 'it is i, Remus John Lupin...' yes he is undoubtedly ecstatically happy to be a father after his previous doubts, but is it really worth risking various people's security to announce it in person? that bit really lost me, cos it seemed a bit of a contrived way to bring the R/T sub story back into the main plot.

and then we come to the climax of the book; the battle at Hogwarts. this part of the book was in many ways exactly what i had imagined and yet completely dissapointing. i frequently found myself getting lost, and losing the plot thread at this point.

it makes sense that the Order would be on hand to help in the final battle. even Remus and Tonks. but surely the start of a bloody and climactic battle is NOT ther perfect time to start showing baby photos. of course Tonks came after Remus though she had to leave Teddy at home; she has fought so hard for Remus in the past she is not waiting at home to be told she is a widow.

and then, their deaths.

their deaths were completely unneccessary and completely cruel. if anyone had everything to live for it was Remus and Tonks. given that they are killed off their entire back story seems so contrived, so vain. what was the point of all the suffering, of offering them a chance at happiness in their son if they are only going to get killed?

and then if they DID have to die, why weren't they given the fanfare and glorius exit they deserved. Remus was instrumental to Harry's Defence instruction and was the last of his fathers friends. whilst Tonks was undoubtedly less close to him, Ginny and Hermione were extremely fond of her, even seeing her as a big sister. why then were these characters not given the glorious exit they deserved, fighting off a hundred death eaters side by side? i'm sure i'm not the only one who feels betrayed by the lines 'remus and Tonks, lying still and peaceful-looking, apparently asleep beneath the dark, enchanted ceiling.'

what a waste of two thoroughly fascinating characters, and what a dissapointing end to their story. why wasn't there a conflict with the werewolves to go with Remus' mission the year before? why was Tonks made a Metamorphmagus when apparently all that is good for is amusing teenagers?

if you are still reading this i congratulate you, for i cannot quite believe i have just written all that. must be the shock,and the grief i feel for losing my favourite characters, indeed the only reason i read the Harry Potter books.

J K Rowling might have let her fans, the R/T shippers down with the final chapter in her series, but i hope, and i know that Remus and Tonks will be avenged through fanfiction. they will live on through fanfiction!

Oh, and if anyone managed to keep track of the last chapter/epiloguey bit, cos i really couldn't. maybe i had switched off by that point.

Sunday, 8 July 2007


And strangely i'm not the gibbering wreck i should be after just seeing the end of your relationship written in your other half's eyes. not the teary eyed soul i should be after parting ways with someone i had begun to consider as being 'the one'.

ok, so I turned into a gibbering wreck on Friday night, and I cried until I was nearly sick, until I could cry no more. But that just shows that I am human after all.

But I'm not going to let him see that I'm not okay. Because love is a game and this time I won't lose. Because I've lost far too many times before. This time I'm going to be strong.

"Yeah I've had promises broken
Three words left unspoken
They just left me achin' for more
But I'll fight temptation
I won't be impatient
There's one thing that's worth waitin' for"

-LeAnn Rimes: Commitment

Friday, 6 July 2007

Huge Rant about how S**** Everyhting is

I don't know if its just me, but i think i have just had the most shit few months imaginable.

Early May i was diagnosed with Glandular Fever which meant i spent a good few weeks being incredibly poorly. At one point i couldn't even drink water because my throat was so unimaginably swollen and sore :(

this unfortunately caused me to miss a four hour philosophy exam :S

and I'm just starting to recover from that, still really tired and lethargic and i'm straight into my exams proper. A level exams. oh joy. still, i managed to get through them and i'm still here, and fingers crossed i've done enough to get into my first choice university.

And then, i have barely finished my exams and am looking forward to a summer of partying hard and long lazy days spent with my boyfriend when he drops the bombshell that he doesn't want to be with me. Completely out of the blue. and barely three days after we had spent an afternoon singing love songs to each other and slow dancing around my bedroom.

And strangely i'm not the gibbering wreck i should be after just seeing the end of your relationship written in your other half's eyes. not the teary eyed soul i should be after parting ways with someone i had begun to consider as being 'the one'. the only side effect appears to be my inability to write anything other than angst!

i'm more disappointed than anything. disappointed that even after all that time i didn't know him well enough to know he had doubts. disappointed in him for not knowing how good what we had was. part of me hurts because i know i'll never kiss him again; never enjoy his scent as we just cuddle. but the rest of me thinks that he should be the one hurting because he was the fool who gave me up. and given the way his hands were shaking, and the way he was nearly in tears i think he might be the one hurting. but i wouldn't take him back.

no second chances, i'm that sort of a woman.

Top Ten songs that are good to listen to when you're in love, but should make you cry when you've just been dumped:

1) Savage Garden: Truly Madly Deeply
2) Snow Patrol: Chasing Cars
3) LeAnn Rimes: How Do I Live
4) Aerosmith: I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing
5) Smokey Robinson and the Miracles: I Second That emotion
6) Bryan Adams: (Everything I Do) I Do It for You
7) Lifehouse: Blind
8) The Corrs: Runaway
9) Meatloaf: You Took the Words Right Out Of My Mouth
10) Robbie Williams: Angels