Sunday, 14 June 2009

Ten things to ten people: you should know who you are

Ten things to ten people:

1) You remind me of a love song. Every single one. The ones about happiness and butterflies and forever and also the ones about broken hearts. You are the light in my life, and I’m sorry it’s taken this for me to realise it. Things won’t ever be perfect, it’s beyond human nature to make it so, but we can have a damned good try at getting as close as possible. I have started to heal, started to realise I need to be complete on my own. Now I’m just waiting for you. Don’t take too long to catch me up.

2) You’ve been a good friend. I thought I’d lost you for a bit, but I’ve got back the friend I knew and loved. And you’ve become a wonderful sounding board for me. I know I can talk to you and you won’t judge me. You’ve become a true friend and confidante, and I hope that this can continue, even after we have both sorted out our issues.

3) We nearly lost our friendship. I’d like to blame it on you but in truth it was also my fault for being too cowardly to confront you. You did something I don’t approve of, you know what that was. Yes, I am disappointed you did what you did, but at the end of the day it’s your life; it’s none of my damn business and you should know by now I’m not in the habit of judging friends. I was more hurt you felt you couldn’t tell me. We nearly lost everything and I want to get it back. Talk to me. I’m not an ogre, and I will never judge you.

4) You’re still proud of me. You’re one of the few people I’ve ever felt good enough for. We stopped talking about what really matters for far too long but we’ve started to get that back. I’m hoping that our relationship can continue to go from strength to strength.

5) You’re another good friend. I’m starting to notice just how many of those I seem to have. Things are hard for you too at the moment, and yet you still take time out of your life to be there for me. I don’t know what I would do without you at the moment. Talking to you has helped me realise so many things. I only hope that at some point I can return the favour.

6) If someone had told me three years ago that you would have become on of my most enduring friends I don’t think I would have believed them. On the surface we have little in common, but often oddballs will get on regardless. I love that we can always talk, no matter what the subject, and I love that you come to me for advice. Makes me feel useful.

7) Sometimes I think you’re still the fifteen year old I once knew, but then I remember that doesn’t matter. You’re my friend. You stay in touch, and you’re someone I can rely on when I need to. You’ll come to full maturity in your own time. Growing up is scary, and I did it far too fast. Maybe you have the right idea.

8) I still haven’t managed to fully escape your shadow. I so desperately want to, but I don’t know how to go about that without some answers. All I want to know is why, if you can even remember. I want to know I was more to you than that. I want closure on that part of my life, so that I can truly move on and be happy. Is that really too much to ask?

9) I’ve never felt good enough for you, and if I was honest I think you’ve contributed at least in part to my lack of self worth. It’s none of your business the person I have become or the person I choose to be. You have no right to make me feel like a child again, you have no right bring me down, or stop me reaching my full potential. You are not my mother, and I think you should remember that.

10) You are stronger than you think you are. You are a beautiful person, inside and out, even if the wrong people don’t realise it. You are flawed, but no more so than the rest of humanity. You need to learn to truly love the good things about yourself, change the things you don’t like and learn to embrace everything else. You are strong, you know you are. You have accomplished so much already, so why is this bringing you down? You have good friends, trust them, lean on them when you need to; they will not think less of you or think you a burden. You are an amazing, wonderful person. Other people have already begun to appreciate that, it’s time you did too. You can’t hide behind your childhood fears any more. I won’t let you.

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