Friday, 9 April 2010

Fat Romance, Take Two

My blog is three months old today. I'm not quite sure how time flew by so fast, but in honour of the occasion I thought I would talk about someone and something else for a change. Instead of everything being about me.

One of the things that's really changed the way I look at myself is getting into the fat community. I'd always shied against getting involved in the fat community, because to me that conjured up images of fat people sat in a room being fat at each other, struggling to justify their existence and slapping each other on the back for choosing an apple over a chocolate bar. The problem I ahd with that is it was admitting I'm fat, and potentially putting myself in a confusing situation where i could be the biggest or smallest person in the room. I was never sure which one would be worse.

But that awesome thing about the internet is that you can join communities with a degree of anonymity. The amount of interaction with that community is up to you; you can choose to be a 'lurker' or a full blown outspoken member of that community. For me and the online fat community, it is allowing to be become positive about my body and gain the support I need without the self consciousness. And to date it has done me the world of good; the sites that I follow, and this blog have eased me into that world, and I now feel confident and comfortable with shouting out I'M FAT! SO FREAKING WHAT?!

One of the sites that has been instrumental for me is Big Fat Deal. It was because of the people in that community that I made the decision to start this blog; to lose the weight I want to, take charge in my own life, learn to accept who and what I am, and to publicise the whole thing. They recently did an article on a post over at The Rotund about fat dating, which struck a chord with me as I'd done a post on the pitfalls of being fat and looking for romance. Both are excellent pieces, but it was something said by lampdevil in the comments at Big Fat Deal that really blew me away.

I’ve spent more than my fair share of time moping around all single-like, convinced that my horrid ugliness was repulsing everyone and ruining my life. It’s an easy trap to fall into. But the last time I pulled myself out of it, it was due to the realization that I cannot meet guys if I do not… meet guys. Y’know. Leave the house. And go to places where people are. And meet those people.

It’s crazy, I know! But your chances of hookin’ up with someone are vastly improved if you put yourself out there. I forced my mopey ass out my apartment door and joined a gaming club, accepted every let’s-go-out-after-work invite from my female co-workers, and otherwise made an effort to locate people that I got along with. It was certainly no guarantee that I was going to meet a guy, but it was more entertaining than sitting at home vaccuming the cat hair from my couch. And hey, I made some friends! And I met some guys! And dated some guys! And dumped some guys. And moved in with this one guy that’s right awesome.

This goes for everyone, fat or skinny or short or tall or whatever. It’s not always easy to get into that place where you’re able to make connections with others, but it’s absolutely worth doing. The world is often not as hateful and harsh as one might think. Or maybe I’m just too cheerfully deluded to notice, ever since I managed to drown out my self-loathing inner soundtrack. Things feel so… bright. Hopeful. I keep positive people close to me, and I avoid the negative ones. Contentment with myself has transformed into something confidence-esque. And confidence is waaaaay attractive. :D

Now I know exactly how that feels; I've spent a heck of a lot of time moping around because I'm fat and ugly and no one will ever fancy me because how could anyone fancy someone who looks like this? The remarkable thing about that comment is that it applies to non fatties almost as often as it does fatties. I know and have known a large number of people, none of whom could ever be described as fat, with exactly that problem.

And the simple truth is this: it's not fatness that is ugly, nor is it the case that skinny is sexy. None of that really matters. When it comes to romance, and indeed friendships, the thing that matters far more than how you look is how you see yourself. Nobody is ever going to fancy a mopy shut in, except maybe another mopey shut in, but if they're both sat in their rooms moping all the time how are they ever going to meet. The most important thing in the world when it comes to developing meaningful relationships, both platonic and romantic, is to be an interesting, confident person than people want to talk to, to spend time with. Everything else is secondary.

Thinking back on my personal romantic experience it was certainly the case. I found the love of my life after deciding to give up on looking for romance and concentrating on finding new hobbies and becoming an interesting, outgoing and hopefully confident person.

Those of you who are reading this looking for romance, try something for me. Try putting it to the back of your mind, and concentrate on finding a new hobby, and on meeting new people. Don't be afraid to try new things, even if a few of them scare you. Even if you don't find the love of your life, you might find your're too busy having fun to worry about it.

1 comment :

  1. There are a few spelling and typo errors in the post. I'm not gonna fix any more because every time I go back and try to edit my posts the colouring and fonts screw up.