Wednesday, 17 February 2016

#whimword - Toothbrush

It’s just a toothbrush, isn’t it?
But if that’s the case why is it scaring her so badly?
Because it’s not just a toothbrush, it’s a symbol. Having her own toothbrush round the other woman’s apartment means something.
It means that they’re thinking about this being more than what they’ve been pretending it is, and that’s terrifying.
This thing between them was supposed to be casual. Fuck and run, fuck and run. Pretend every time is an accident and that they have no plans to do it again. That’s how it’s been for six months now. That’s how it’s supposed to continue. But feelings have an annoying habit of getting in the way and the toothbrush by the sink is just a symbol of that.
It means premeditation. It suggests permanence.
She’s not entirely sure how to deal with that.
This was never supposed to be about anything but sex but now they sleep through the night in each other’s arms, call each other when they’ve had a bad day. They cook each other meals and sometimes, just sometimes, if they’re both tired and stressed out, they don’t even have sex. They’ll just hold each other and murmur reassurances to each other before falling asleep curled around each other.
And now there’s a toothbrush by the sink.
It’s never just been sex between them. That should have been blindingly obvious at the beginning but they were both lost in the red haze of sex, lost in each other and too determined to live in denial a little longer. As much as they’ve both tried to pretend otherwise this thing has involved feelings—deep ones—ever since the first time they kissed.
Really two grown women should have been more astute, more emotionally aware but they had their reasons. And honestly it’s kind of difficult to think about serious things when there’s a talented tongue wrapped around your nipple.
But now there’s a toothbrush. The line has been drawn and the serious feelings they’ve both tried to avoid for the last six months have been brought to the forefront. They have to talk about it.
Oddly enough she’s not as scared as she thought she would be. Now that the mask has been torn away and there’s nothing to hide behind she feels calm. As though this is all very inevitable. And really they’ve always been headed for this place, they’re just not very good at admitting the truth to themselves.
Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be. Their own odd kind of normal. Honestly she can see them bumbling around like this together for the rest of their lives. It’s a nice thought actually.
Maybe they’ll never really mention feelings, and that’s fine.
“I noticed the new addition in the bathroom,” she says.
“Yeah?” The other woman is tense, wondering if everything is about to come crashing down.
“Maybe I could leave a few clothes over too. If that’s okay.”
Her smile is luminous. “Okay.”

It was never just a toothbrush.

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